Introducing: The Ho Ho Diet

Feeling a need to purge all that wholesome food from your body? Need a quick boost of sugar and preservatives to get you through that long, boring meeting at work? Want to stick it in the you-know-what of all those smug eco-shoppers who park their bloated Escalades in the compact spots at Whole Foods? Then the famous Ho Ho Diet may be for you!

The Ho Ho Diet has a multitude of benefits:

1. It's cheap! One pack of 3 Ho Hos has 250 calories. You only need to eat eight pack, or 24 Ho Hos a day to get a full 2,000 calorie diet. At an average price of $1.50 per pack, that's just $12 a day!
2. Low sodium: 24 Ho Hos per day give you less than half your daily amount of sodium, but simultaneously provide a solid 32% of your recommended amount of protein.
3. Great taste! People who eat Ho Hos are happy. You can't say that about someone shoving celery and rice cakes in their yap.....
4. Chocolatey goodness: Ho Hos feature rich chocolate cake inside, wrapped in a scrumptious chocolate frosting. Chocolate has been linked to many health benefits, such as lowering cholesterol, reducing risk for heart attacks, increasing serotonin levels, and causing mild euphoria.
   
5. Iron! The chocolate in Ho Hos contains iron, an essential nutrient. Deficiency of iron in the blood can cause anemia. Some of the symptoms of anemia include weakness or fatigue, general malaise, and poor concentration -- all of which are statistically linked to being a Republican.
6. Cylindricity: food presentation is important, and who can resist those little brown cylinders? Arrange them on a bed of white rice for effect (but don't eat the rice!!).

Some doubters will claim that you can't lose weight by eating only Ho Hos. Guess what? They are right! but it's all a matter of perspective. You're a good person, aren't you? So making more of you is like making more of a good thing. And that's a good thing!

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